It has been a hard day at school or work, and you get home and collapse under the weight under that day’s troubles. You don’t know what’s going to happen; you are in a state of distress about the unknown. While you may feel like giving up in such situations that were caused by broken friendships, a more viable option is available when you see no hope of your relationship being restored. As I’ve gone through multiple hurt friendships, God has taught me how to respond during and after the conflicts of a relationship.
The most important step to respond during a friendship crisis is to connect with God. When you are weak, the devil will come to steal, kill, and destroy your life, but he can’t if you don’t let him. When Jesus was weak as He was fasting in the desert (see Matthew 4), the devil tempted Jesus, but Jesus rebuked the devil with Scripture. In those moments when you don’t know what to do, spend time in the Word of God and in prayer because fulfilling joy, which is your strength, is in God’s presence. When you are empowered by God’s joy, you will be able to overcome the devil with Scripture and in the name of Jesus.
The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep. John 10:10-11
I have set the Lord always before me: because he is at my right hand, I shall not be moved. Therefore my heart is glad, and my glory rejoiceth: my flesh also shall rest in hope. For thou wilt not leave my soul in hell; neither wilt thou suffer thine Holy One to see corruption. Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore. Psalms 16:8-11
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. I have sworn, and I will perform it, that I will keep thy righteous judgments. Psalms 119:105-106
The second step to respond is to examine yourself. When you are in the midst of a trial, you may feel that you are being victimized and the receiver of the hurt. While it possible or even likely that the other person hurt you, it is necessary to ask God to reveal if you have played any part in the destruction of your friendship and if there is anything that you need to do for God to bring healing. In Romans 12, Paul wrote that we must set ourselves apart by renewing our minds. One of the ways of being sanctified is doing as much as we can to be at peace with everyone. If God puts on your heart to apologize to the other person or do any act of kindness toward him, don’t resist the Holy Spirit. Your obedience to God’s soft voice could be what heals your friendship with the other person.
Another part of examining yourself is asking God to change you into a godlier person with, as Romans 12 says, a new mind. Pray that God will help you to cut out your weaknesses and sinful habits so that you can be a better brother or sister to the body of Christ. Following your prayers to God, the Lord will put you through testing, which will mature you in Him. When you grow in your relationship with Christ, everything in your life will fall into place in His timing. If God calls your friendship to be restored, your maturing will help in the healing, and God will use your growth to prepare you for other present and future relationships in your life.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto god, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God… Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not… If it be possible, as much lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Romans 18:1-2, 14, 18
My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:2-3
Thirdly, you must pray for the other person involved. Instead of praying for God to heal the friendship, pray for God to heal that person’s relationship with God – that he will let go of anything that is preventing him from growing in his relationship with God. When his relationship with God is right, everything else will fall into place in that person’s life, and if God wills it, He will heal your friendship too. Continue to pray for friend whether or not you see any change in him. Dr. Christopher Yuan’s mother prayed for him for eight years to accept to Christ as His Lord and Savior before he surrendered his life to Jesus. Be assured that if your heart is right with God, He hears your intercession for friend.
Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil. I Peter 3:12
Recently, I found myself in a state of distress because of a broken friendship. Feeling hopeless, I ran to God in prayer and worship. Even though I didn’t know what was going to happen, I trusted God, and He showed me my mistakes. After apologizing on my part, I still needed guidance after the hurt of the friendship, and one of my mentors Mr. D shared with me Romans 12:18 and how I needed to examine myself so that I can respond as the Holy Spirit leads me so that I can be at peace with all. Mr. D also helped me in how to pray for my friend by putting my desire for her relationship with God to be right over my desire for our friendship to be healed. As I prayed for myself to be a better friend and for my friend’s relationship with God in the following month, I observed how God changed my friend and as a plus advanced the healing process in our friendship. Hallelujah for God’s faithfulness!
As flawed human beings, we are promised that trials, including broken relationships, will come. When you find yourself crying in your backyard under the weight of wrecked friendships, run in prayer to God, Who cares for you. You may feel hopeless and unloved but remember that God loves you and is building you up in Him. Keep following God and praying that your friend does the same! Do that, and everything will be all right in the end.
COMMITTING TO GOD’S GRACE AND LOVE,
Jeremiah Yonemura
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